It's Not You, It's Me
by firefliesinlove
Summary: [Warning: BakuraRyou Yaoi, near-suicided attempt] Bakura and Ryou have many arguments... What if it's not Bakura's fault, but Ryou's? full summary inside!


It's Not You, It's Me  
  
~~  
Bakura/Ryou [SLIGHT Yaoi]  
Ryou and Bakura have problems between each other, and often get into disagreements… Always ending in tears on Ryou's part. But maybe it isn't Bakura's fault, and maybe it isn't him that's causing the problems… Maybe it's been Ryou all along? Because he's been too blind to notice before now? And when he finally realises that it's been his fault all along… What will he do? Will he try to fix it? Or do something that he'll regret?

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~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  ~***~  
  
 Ryou ran up the stairs, and into his room. He slammed the door behind him, locked it, then fell to the floor, sobbing into his own hands.  
  
 "Let me in!" Bakura's muffled voice yelled out angrily, and Ryou whimpered away from the door in fear when he kicked it several times. Sighing angrily, Bakura leaned his forehead against it. "Ryou, come on, just let me in… Please?"  
  
 Ryou shook his head, and Bakura could feel the sadness and sorrow radiating off of his poor hikari. He just never knew what to do to calm him down. Usually he'd hold him until he stopped crying. But with the door in the way, how was he supposed to achieve that?  
  
 "Ryou! Open the door!" Bakura pounded his fists against the door in anger, then slid down to the floor, backed up into the wall across from the door, then leaned against it. He sighed out of pure frustration, and massaged his temples with his fingers.  
  
 "I'm sorry…" Ryou mumbled between sobs, not loud enough for Bakura to hear outside. He crawled across the floor, and sat down beside his desk. He grabbed a bunch of his things from the top of the desk, and put them down beside himself.  
  
 He went through them, one by one, examining them, and sighing, then sobbing again. They were all things that he cherished most; things Bakura had given him, or things that had to do with Bakura. He arrived at one of the last objects, and stopped moving.  
  
 He picked up the tiny box, and took off the lid as carefully as he could. Inside was a very sharp Egyptian dagger. One that Bakura had given to him one of the first times they'd met.  
  
 He pressed it lightly against his finger until the tip of the blade started to turn a slight crimson colour, and Ryou squeaked when he realised that he had pricked his finger without noticing.  
  
 "Ryou? What's wrong?" Bakura strained his ears, but Ryou didn't answer him. Just like he didn't before. "Look, I realise that it's all my fault. So will you just come out?"  
  
 "Gomen ne, Bakura-chan… _Gomen ne…_" Ryou sobbed, the dagger still in his hand. He stared at the door in front of him. He couldn't face the one who had been right all along. It hadn't been Bakura who had been the one to start the fights, it had always been himself. _He_ was the problem. And he needed to get rid of the problem.  
  
 "Just let me in, 'kay?" Bakura kicked the door with his foot. He was tired of rationalizing with Ryou, and he needed to get inside. He had a bad feeling about what Ryou was saying.  
  
 "Gomen…Ano… I can't let you in." Ryou said softly, just loud enough for Bakura to hear.  
  
 "Just open the friggin' door and we can talk about this, alright?" Bakura got up to his feet when he felt fear replacing the sadness at Ryou's end of their mind-link.  
  
 Inside the room, Ryou was running his finger over the blade, slowly, in thought. He didn't even notice when it would cut into his finger, and the blood would run down the shiny metallic side of the blade, down his hand, and onto the hard wood floor underneath himself.  
  
 Ryou snapped out of his thoughts when he realised what he had been thinking. He had been contemplating suicide again. Not very good thoughts, even though he hadn't completely shaken off the idea as out of the question or impossible. After all, he did have the dagger in his hand, and he had the will to do it.  
  
 '_This is what started it all…_' Ryou cried out in his own mind, careful to make sure that he blocked Bakura from his thoughts. He lifted up his left hand, and examined his wrist. There was still a jagged, faint pink scar that ran across where his veins were. '_When I did that… when I tried to do that… That's what started everything…_'  
  
 His eyes widened in horror when he saw the blood on his fingers, and he dropped the dagger to the ground. His vision clouded over, and soon he was reliving his near-death experience once more.  
_  
~~***~~ ~~**FlashBack**~~ ~~***~~  
~  
 He was sitting on the floor, tears blurring his vision as he picked up the sharp knife. He could see his reflection staring back at him in the knife. Wide-eyed and crying. He remembered, then, when he saw the girl run up to Bakura, and kiss him passionately. Bakura didn't even pull away. He had stayed there, like nothing was happened. And only did he pull away when Ryou ran all the way back home.  
  
 He held up his wrist, and slowly, but carefully pressed the tip of the knife into his skin. He winced as he dragged it across his wrist, slowly heading for the main vein. He bit his lip, and opened his eyes. He froze, he couldn't move his hand anymore.   
  
 Then Bakura came running up the stairs. He could hear those hurried footsteps going up the stairs. They came to a stop in front of Ryou's room, and there was a cry of confusion.  
  
 He looked up at Bakura, begging him to do something. Bakura, after regaining his senses, ran over to Ryou, and dropped down onto his knees beside him. He pulled Ryou's hand away from his wrist, carefully. Ryou started to shake badly. He couldn't let go of the bloody knife still tight in his grasp. His knuckles were turning white.  
  
 Bakura pried it out of his fingers, then, without warning, wrapped his arms around Ryou, and pulled him into a protective huge. He only said one word.  
  
 "Why…?"  
~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_  
 At the sound of the dagger clattering to the floor, Bakura kicked at the door again. He, too, was reliving those few moments when Ryou had come so close to taking his own life. He kicked it again, and the door shuddered slightly under the pressure.  
  
 "Ryou, just come and unlock the door!" Bakura yelled out, and rammed his shoulder at the door with all his weight. The door moved slightly on its hinges.  
  
 Ryou was paralysed. He couldn't move. He was still staring at his hands, a look of horror on his face.  
  
 After a moment, he finally regained his sense of what was going on around himself, and stood up on his jelly-like legs. He made his way over to the door, where he unlocked it before collapsing onto his knees.  
  
 Bakura heard the click, and muttered a prayer when he pushed open the door. He saw Ryou sitting on the ground in front of the door, a terrified expression on his face. His eyes wandered down to the small amount of blood covering Ryou's fingers, then to the Egyptian dagger lying several feet away.  
  
 He ignored what his gut was telling him, and didn't put two and two together. He grabbed a small rag, and dropped down beside Ryou. He wrapped it around Ryou's hands, then pulled the small one onto his lap.  
  
 "Everything… Everything has been my fault." Ryou sobbed in his small voice. Bakura gently stroked his silver hair.  
  
 "No, it hasn't." Bakura wiped a few tears from Ryou's cheeks with the back of his hand, and kissed Ryou's forehead lightly.  
  
 "Yes it has…" Ryou's sobs subsided a little, and he could speak a little more clearly. "It's all my fault… I should never have snapped at you in the first place… it wasn't your fault… it was mine…"  
  
 "No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have gone out so late, and banished the microwave to the Shadow Realm again." Bakura grimaced.  
  
 Ryou started to laugh. It was weak, but still laughter. It changed back to crying as quickly as it had changed.  
  
 "Is that why we started to argue?" Ryou looked up at Bakura with pleading eyes. Bakura nodded, and pushed a few of the silver bangs from out of Ryou's face.  
  
 "Yes, yes it was." Bakura started to rub Ryou's back in a soothing and relaxing way.  
  
 "Why can't I just understand that you didn't mean to? Why do I have to make a big deal of it all the time?" Ryou sniffled.  
  
 "You don't. It's just been hard for us these past few months, hikari." Bakura pulled Ryou closer, and wrapped his arms around him protectively.  
  
 "But that doesn't give me an excuse to yell at you the way I did… Bakura…" Ryou swallowed at a lump in his throat before he continued. "Please forgive me for the way I've acted? Please forgive me? For everything?" He looked up at Bakura, new tears threatening to spill over the rims of his eyes.  
  
 "I don't need to say anything. You're always forgiven, light. You know that." Bakura smiled when Ryou leaned into his hug, and closed his eyes.  
  
 Ryou felt himself drift in and out of consciousness with only a few thoughts in his mind. He had finally found and fixed the err of his ways, and had been forgiven by the one who meant more to him than life itself.  
  
 The last thing that he remembered after he felt himself being lowered into his bed and before he fell asleep were the soft lips of his Yami being pressed upon his own. A smile lit up his pale features, and he drifted off into a peaceful slumber; watched over by his protector.  
  
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Why do I get the feeling that this fic was sort of inspired by the new Winamp?  
  
Steth: Because you changed the colour on it, and the song playing a few moments ago made you feel all author-ish inside?  
  
But… I changed it again, and it's silver and red-the colour theme is called 'Bloods'  
Okay! Nevermind! I get it! Now I know why I wrote this fic! But the song changed, and made the ficcie end on a happier note! 

I know, there wasn't that much Yaoi, but I put up the warning because there would be certain people who would chew out my eyes for not putting one up. ^___^ And originally there wasn't any at all, but that would have made the story a little odd. Sooooooooo, anyway. *dances around while grinning psychotically*  
  
I think sleep deprivation had A LOT to do with me writing this.  
  
 So enjoy! And forgive me if there are any mistakes, but I can't see straight anymore, and I'm awfully tired.  
  
_Please R&R!  
  
_*passes out from lack of sleep*


End file.
